9 Great Things You Should Do While Drunk In ThailandBound to happen
If you’ve ever been to Thailand and have indulged in cheap 70 baht cocktails on the beach or pub crawled along Khao San Road in Bangkok it’s entirely likely you’ve stumbled across the below drunken antics.
Here are the nine great things you can expect to do (and not do) when you are drunk in Thailand.
1. Get a ham and cheese croissant toastie from 7/11
This is the staple drunk food in Thailand. Normally I would never touch the packeted burgers and sandwiches you can buy in convenience shops, with their impossibly unrealistic stock photos of what they look like on the front. But when you’re drunk and hungry and your best friend the kebab store isn’t in sight you need to turn to the ham and cheese croissant toasted sandwich from 7/11. Don’t be misled by the plain ham and cheese toasted sandwich (even though it has its own Facebook fan page with over 700 members), make sure you get it maxed out with croissant bread.
The friendly 7/11 staff will take the 25 baht from your wobbly drunk hands, pop the sandwich into a press and a minute later the golden, cheesey flakes are ready to melt in your drooling mouth.
It’s also available in sausage and cheese, pulled pork and even seafood. But the original is most popular, as you can see they even branched out into chips (blurgh!)…
2. See a sex show
These places never seem to pop up when you are sober. It’s always when you’ve had a few too many Chang’s that a friendly but dodgy taxi driver pulls you to the side and whispers “friend, come see a sex show”. Go along for the ‘cultural experience’ of it. They cost around 500 baht which will get you entry and a complimentary drink. The girls will put on an hour-long performance (the guys a substantially shorter time, ha) where darts will be fired, balloons popped and poles abused. You’ll know the show is over when you start to see the same acts repeated and the cycle has begun again.
3. Not get another bucket
The infamous buckets in Thailand can be a dangerous mix. These lethal cocktails are found in a children’s bucket (minus the spade) and usually contain ice, M150 (a Thai version of Red Bull which is heavy on the ephedrine), a 300ml flask of liquor (Sangsom whiskey or house vodka) and a mixer thrown in for taste. They’re also ridiculously cheap at 200 baht each, which is about $8 AUD or 4 quid. Like with most unfortunate drug stories, it’s quite easy to drink one, not feel anything, then drink another, and another, until it all hits at once and you’re on the floor.
4. Make sure the urinal you’re about to use is connected by a pipe
There’s nothing worse than having a wee at a urinal and discovering it’s not connected by plumbing because you are getting serious splash back over your legs and feet. Avoid this by looking out for puddles and embarrassed guys with soggy board shorts.
5. Not pick up a lady (boy)
Beer goggles can be a great thing during the night, when ugly people slowly but surely turn into knock out 10’s. Beer goggles can also be the absolute worst thing in the morning, when you have to come to grips with the bed friend you’ve picked up. In Thailand the impact of this can treble. The friendly woman who came up to you last night (nobody ever talks to me!) could be a lady of the night and require your side of the transaction in the morning. Or, worse, the beautiful stunner you hooked could turn out to be…a man. Yes, unfortunately the hottest women in Thailand tend to be the men as they’ve undergone plastic surgery to turn their masculine features into a pin-up girl physique. Not that picking up either a prostitute or ladyboy is wrong, just be wary of it when your drunkenness lets your guard down.
6. Go to a Full Moon Party
This is one tip you should do before you get drunk as I imagine it’s pretty hard to organise flights, a ferry and accommodation while being slightly inebriated. The Full Moon Party on Koh Phangan is a famous riot of a night, occurring on each and every full moon (duh). Legend has it that the full moon party first started out by a group of friends on Haad Rin beach when someone happened to have a birthday on a full moon. They had so much fun they decided to party again on the next one, and so on and so on until it became a huge international event attracting up to 30,000 punters at its peak. Full moon partiers can expect massive raves with house music from major DJs, fluoro body paint, crazy artwork and wild dancing well into the next day.
7. Not get on a motorbike
Hopping on a motorbike as a rider or passenger when you’re drunk is definitely not the safest thing to do in the world. It’s far safer to get your own taxi or sangthaew. Motorbikes have to avoid other drunk motorists and most times it’s the maggot tourists who are the problem on the road. There were nearly 8,000 road-related fatalities in Thailand in 2012.
Aside from accidents, you’re more likely to be ripped off by the driver if you forget to reach an agreed price or if they harass you for more money.
8. Keep safe (hotel cards, emergency money, smoke bombs)
Before heading out on a balmy Thai evening make sure you put a hotel card in your wallet and hide some emergency money somewhere. The hotel card is to remember your way back, particularly if you have a difficult-to-pronounce Thai name that is made even more tricky by your slurring mouth. And the emergency funds are for an emergency (duh) which could be you spending all your money on beer (oh no! can’t buy more beer!) or someone nicking your wallet so you can’t get home.
At home, smoke bombing a party may be a sneaky way to exit without owning up to your friends that you are going home to bed. Overseas it’s not so cool. Your friends will wonder where you are, worry about you and probably end up spending their night looking for you and thinking you’ve been mugged and murdered. So do them a favour and let them know where you are.
9. Get a bottle of water for the morning
Being hung over at home is the best. You can sleep in in your own warm bed, have your mum brink you breakfast and watch countless episodes of Family Guy. Being hung over in a foreign country like Thailand is the worst. You wake up in a warm bed because it’s 35 degrees and the crappy fan whirring above you just pushes the humidity onto you. There’s a loud Spanish couple arguing on the beds next to you (ahh, dorm life) and they just won’t stop. Your head is pounding and your mouth is dry, but you can’t go and lap bucketloads from the tap in the toilet because you’ll get chronic illness from the plagues of diseases within the water. So prepare for the worst and buy bottles of safe to drink mineral water and line them up by your pillow.
Do you party the same way?
What are your hot drunk tips while you are in Thailand?
Let us know in the comments below!